[Fiction] Pieces of You

Prompt : You – Ten2Five (First Verse) – [listen w/ lyric here]

AN. After re-edited it for the third time, here is the result. Not sure if this is satisfying enough- even for me, in fact. Possible for weird, unclear, and boring plot- and poor grammars. The order of lyric was changed a bit to make it more suitable.

WARNING : This story contains a brief/mentioned of :
sexual activities, cursing/foul languages, depression, and self-harming/suicide.
May not suitable for those under 17. Rating – R.

The number you wished to call is currently unreachable-

Sighing in disappointment upon the words which were heard from her phone, Faye finally turned the connection off. Sadness was carved clearly on the face, as she couldn’t contact the other person on the line somehow. Not that she didn’t have any ideas, but currently she really couldn’t handle more that she has had already. She wasn’t that strong to begin with.

Faye used to have such a perfect life…
Or at least, that was what people saw on her- even until now.

First of all, she was currently attending at the most prestigious university, which was well-known for its difficult requirements. Then, she had a loving and supporting parents; also some attentive close friends. Beyond everything, she must be very happy and thankful as she had a steady relationship with her sweet and caring boyfriend; Nigel.

With those conditions of hers, what else could she possibly need?

But apparently, behind the closed door, no one ever noticed that her life wasn’t that perfect. It was such in a mess even, to be honest. There were no attentive close friends, no steady relationship, and even no sweet and caring boyfriend.

Faye took a deep breath; decided to redial the numbers again with all the risk she could possibly get. First ring, second ring, third ring, on and on… until it has finally reached fourteenth or so. Thankfully, the person did answer after that much rings; though he sounded annoyed by the call. Nevertheless, that was already enough for Faye to sigh in relief.

“Nigel… where are you? When will you come back?” asked Faye, trying her best to not sounded rush with her words. The last thing she wanted was the mad boyfriend right now.

“I’m still at Kaya’s,” Nigel answered; unexpectedly showed her no hesitance within his voice. “Why?”

“What… are you doing there? Please come back, Nigel,” replied her soon enough.

There was a sigh; a deep one. “I will, Faye,” he replied back. “I’m going there right after I’ve finished some things here, okay? It might take long; I don’t know about that too. But, you shouldn’t wait for me and… Well, just take your sleeping pills if you can’t sleep.”

Faye turned the connection off right away, as soon as she listened to the words coming from Nigel. Never once she liked it, whenever Nigel has started talking carelessly about how she should take the pills. True that she had insomnia and in most of times, she did need the pills. However, that wasn’t what she wanted to at the time. All she wanted was just for Nigel to pay attention and care for her.

Why… Aren’t I your girlfriend? Why do you always prefer her instead of me?
A thought came into her mind, without being able to be held back.

You did it again
You did hurt my whole
I don’t know how many times

Unconsciously, the tears slipped down from her eyes; going down on her cheeks only to be wasted.

She has lost counts on how many times and how much tears she has spent, ever since the first time she caught her boyfriend and best friend had a sex in her place. She knew that she should have cut their relationship right away at the time, but she couldn’t. Faye was afraid losing someone she cared for; someone that has always been there for her.

Her stare accidentally landed at the mirror, which was placed not too far from her. There, she could see on her reflection; on how she looked like right now. A body without a soul; that was everything she has seen there. Her hair was crumpled. There were dark circles under her swollen eyes. Her lips was pale and even her body was way too thin to be called healthy.

Pathetic. No wonder Nigel doesn’t want you.
Another thought came inside her mind once again, looking at herself like that.

You turn my whole life so blue
Drowning me so deep

Faye remembered it well.

Before this, she was such a free and living soul. She had so many friends whom she could rely on, so many activities and responsibilities as a member of student council. She had an excellent result for her grades, making her as one of the teacher’s favorites. Even though she was lacking on sports and arts, people still looked at her with admiration. And above all, a full smile was always there.

Where has that Faye gone? She never knew it.

I just can’t reach myself again

***

She didn’t remember since when she has curled herself into a ball at the corner of the room; not that she cared about that, after all. The more she thought about how messed up she was right now, the more she wanted nothing but to just disappear from the world.

Thus, when she could hear there was a sound of car approaching her place, Faye became even more terrified than ever. Even though she wanted to have Nigel at her side, she wasn’t ready yet to face him right now.

But unfortunately for her, the man has gotten into her room already; even without any permission.

“Faye?” called the man, Nigel; with his baritone voice- something that Faye has missed a lot.

The man stopped in the middle way after some steps, seemingly surprised to see on how bad Faye’s condition was at the moment. Carefully, he took some more steps as an attempt to reach Faye; so that he could soothe the other. Being honest here, Nigel was afraid to approach Faye right now- well who wouldn’t after seeing how messed up her room was. Thankfully, he was smart enough to not worsen the condition and push Faye away. It wouldn’t make her pleased and make things even more complicated than it has been right now.

“Faye,” Nigel tried for the second time. Brushing his fear away from the fragile one in front of him, he slowly took both of her hands and held those tightly. “I’m coming home now. Didn’t you want me before? I’m here now, Faye. I’m right here… only for you.”

“Please… just go away,” replied Faye weakly, trying to take her hands away again.

“I don’t want to,” said Nigel; smile was carved on his face already. Instead of letting her hands off, he was then giving her a quick kiss on the finger. “I will take care of your heart from now on.”

“Don’t act nice to me… if only it was to make me more miserable later,” Faye replied back, lifting her head up only to avoid her stare soon after. “I know this will be a short visit. You will go again later, I understand. I’m fine with myself.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Nigel; still with his warm smile.

Giving no warning at all towards the latter, Nigel has already lifted Faye’s small body from the floor with ease. He brought her to the end of the bed, sitting her down there and bending his knees right in front of her; so that their eyes would be at the same level. Soon after that, all the foul languages that were shouted by Faye before was gone in the thin air.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he added with a whisper. “I’m yours.”

For the first time ever, Faye was finally exchanging a stare with the other. “Are you… is this serious?” asked her hesitantly, feeling skeptical with the statement. But when Nigel gave her another nod, the smile was slowly coming back on her face; forgetting everything behind. “You are staying here with me…? Just alone; just the two of us…”

“Yes. I am,” assured Nigel once more.

As he could see the beautiful sight of his girlfriend right in front of him, Nigel really couldn’t hold his urge to touch her anymore longer. Slowly, he leaned closer towards Faye, making an attempt to join their lips together. Faye was clearly surprised, didn’t see this would come when she was still lost in her thought. Though, it didn’t take long for her to reply the action. She dropped herself on the bed upon the sudden weight on her, letting Nigel to be on the top of her. There, just the two of them on the bed, kissing each other eagerly; letting out load and sinful moans on the process.

You, I don’t know what to say
You’ve made me so desperately in love

But of course, no matter how nice a dream was, it would still reach an end.

The ringing sound was echoing inside the room; forcefully stopping their sloppy kisses. Knowing that even if he wanted to do something more, he would still not able to continue it, Nigel finally sighed in defeat. Unwillingly, Nigel got up from the bed before walking towards his bag to get the phone. He checked the caller ID on the screen, which soon making him tensed all of sudden. His thought went to Faye in instant, which was still in the middle of catching her breath up.

“What is it?” he answered in a low voice, trying to not distract Faye’s attention towards him. “… No. I can’t go there again; not when I just reached Faye’s place. No. I’ll be here until tomorrow noon.”

Faye, who has sat down on her bed, dropped her face as she could listen at the words from Nigel. It didn’t even need to be a genius to understand on what was going on. She knew it easily that her best friend- Kaya; was asking Nigel to come over again. Even though the chance was rather small, Faye really hoped that Nigel would at least keep his promise; to stay with her for now.

Nigel sighed in frustration, thinking that he should have remembered that Kaya was one of those persistent ones. “Okay. Okay, I’m going there now. Just- Can’t you please stay inside your room?” he said, scratching his head upon the sudden stress. “Yes. Yes. God, stop nagging so that I will be able to take a leave right now.”

“You are leaving,” stated Faye; didn’t care much with the fact that Nigel was still on the line. She was too sad and disappointed with his decision already right now.

Hearing the sudden statement coming from Faye, Nigel immediately turned his attention towards his girlfriend with the widened eyes; as if just realized that she was there as well. Guiltiness ate his heart up in instant, though he also thought that there was nothing he could do about that.

“I will call you again later,” said Nigel, paying no attention anymore towards the other person on the line. He was then turning the connection off, wanted to handle the current situation first. At least, he didn’t want to make it worse than it has been before leaving Faye alone.

“It’s just going to be a short visit,” added him, staring at the lifeless eyes of Faye.

“You told me that you would stay. You’ve promised me,” Faye whispered desperately, couldn’t just accept the unreasonable excuses from the other. “Please, Nigel. Just for this time, please stay with me just as you’ve promised me. Even if it’s just for one day… can’t you?”

“I’m sorry… I really do. I just can’t do anything,” said Nigel hesitantly.

And now you let me down

Faye didn’t like this. She knew that if only Nigel tried harder an insisted that he couldn’t go to meet Kaya, Faye was sure even Kaya wouldn’t be able to make him. She was really disappointed with the fact that her boyfriend didn’t even show her an effort to refuse. Anger and hatred were soon shown clearly on her eyes upon the fact.

“I thought that you’re mine… but then maybe I was wrong,” she said, trying her best to suppress back her overflowing emotions. “For these past four months, you have been with Kaya for more than fifty times, but… never once you chose to be with me instead.”

“It’s not what I want-”

“Just tell me, Nigel…” Faye cut soon after; didn’t want to hear more excuses from him. “If you’re not going to stay with me, even when the world is going to be ended, why do we even here?”

Nigel took a long and deep breath. This wasn’t the first time for him; to hear the question from Faye. She has questioned a lot on how their commitment to be with each other didn’t seem as important anymore for him lately, but he still hated the question. As much as Kaya was important for him, Faye was still as important as well. Anything else was out of the options.

“Let’s talk tomorrow,” he said, ruffling her hair lightly. “Take a rest and go to sleep. Do you want me to help you getting the pills?”

Faye was too mad already on how Nigel always avoided the topic. Thus, what came from her mouth was a poison instead. “So that you can go fucking her all night long already?” asked her in the end.

A hard slap was landed at Faye’s cheek all of sudden, leaving her in an utter shock and disbelief. Her boyfriend, who should love her the most, dared to hurt her physically. It was even worse, that the reason of it was nothing worth enough. She could feel that her cheek was burned, but nothing to be compared with her heart’s pain.

“We’ve talked about this before,” Nigel said; didn’t show any regret after everything. “I’ve told you that I would never lie anymore. When I say that I’m going to accompany her, I will do only that, Faye. Please stop going to there again.”

Faye hasn’t said anything back upon the words; not even giving a permission to leave for now. But, it seemed that Nigel didn’t even need to take Faye’s words into the consideration at all. He was soon standing up from his place and walking towards the door; almost leaving Faye speechless there.

“You don’t need to come back here,” whispered Faye.

Nigel stopped his steps a second after he has heard the words, only to continue once more towards the outside. He didn’t even bother to look back and check how Faye took everything, ignoring the cries. Once he has reached the door, Nigel immediately walked out from there, leaving Faye alone in her own dreary world.

You said you’d never lie again
You said this time would be so right

***

It was half hour later, when Faye has worn out from crying. She leaned on her bedpost, staring at the clock on the wall absent-minded. She wasn’t sure on what she should do at the moment. Should she run away and never come back here? She was sure that her parent would easily let her in. Or, should she trust Nigel for the last time again? Or maybe… she could just come to Kaya’s place and check on what they were doing. But nevertheless, all the options were equally scary for her.

That was, until she suddenly heard a sound was coming from her phone. It wasn’t a normal ring, but the one she designated special for Kaya. For some seconds, Faye was debating with herself; whether she should take the call or not. Usually, a phone call was giving her no good news; not for her heart.

“Yes?” answered her, knowing she would be too curious to leave the phone be.

There was no reply from Kaya for a brief moment, making Faye frowned as she couldn’t understand on what was going on. But when there was a certain noise that she knew very well, she regretted to waste her time answering the call. If only she didn’t answer it, probably it would be much better for her mind and heart.

A moan. A slapping skin sound. A hard breath. Another moan. A dirty talk.
Without looking, Faye knew already that the room was filled with lust and desire.

‘I love you.’ Faye could hear the man’s familiar voice on the background.

Right at that moment, Faye immediately knew that her world was just crumbling down completely.

But then I found you were lying there by her side

Faye understood that what she was doing right now, to keep her boyfriend with him even though he has slept numerous times with her own best friend, wasn’t healthy at all. But even though she was devastated already, she really didn’t know how she would be able to stop everything; to leave him for good. She couldn’t imagine a life without him.

“You know that you can’t have him, Faye.” A voice could be heard from the other line, before the connection was cut off right away.

Faye wanted to scream and ask Kaya to stop saying it to her. The more she said that to her, the more she realized that there would be no future for her; that sooner or later, Nigel would surely leave her first. And then… her life would be meant nothing anymore.

If I only can live in a world with you, but have no you with me… then…

Her own thought was scaring Faye, and she would never let that happen. With her shaky hands, Faye opened the shelf right beside the bed. She took a bottle of pills from there without a second thought at all. After some heavy sighs to determine her will, Faye was finally taking some of the pills out from the bottle. She stared at those for a brief second, before putting everything into her mouth. With a help from the water, she has successfully drunk almost a bottle of the pills.

It didn’t take long until her eyes felt heavier and her mind to lose its focus as well.

Glancing at the side of her bed, she could see a photograph of her with Nigel; where both of them had a clearly big and happy smile on their faces. Faye missed that time the most. She didn’t know why, but somehow she was sure that she would go back to that era again after everything was over. She was smiling upon the thought, ready to forget everything but Nigel behind.

then I’d rather to be gone from this world instead…

You successfully tore my heart
Now it’s only pieces
Nothing left but pieces of you

---

written by : ryns