By a chance, currently I’m reading a book called Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell; as you could see at the sidebar of this site. And by another chance, I found a picture (a meme, probably, to be more precise) that quite represents a fangirl’s life- more or less. Wanna know? On the pic, there’s a conversation between two people. One person said “You can’t date him. He’s a fictional.” and the fangirl- the other person replied “NO ONE CARES.” And by another another chance, somehow I read my friend’s post about her problem for being a fangirl. LOL. So many “accidental” things happened all at once, don’t you think?
Back to the topic, this post was basically the comment I wanted to write on my friend’s post. But as I found this was so long; well not that the space wasn’t enough or something- just… wasn’t looking nice to be a comment, so I decided to dedicate the whole post to talk about this “fangirl” thing.
The complete post of my friend’s fangirl problem can be seen here.
This over-midnight mutterings are just born out of my slight annoyance with one of my close friends, actually. We were just LINE chatting about movies while joking around, until the conversation took a turn to ‘which actors are the hottest’ for me and her. And then I told her that for me, I just couldn’t resist Lee Pace in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day and Keanu Reeves in Constantine. I practically just drooled over them like an idiot. And then I jokingly said that I hope I’m gonna dream about Lee tonight, and this was when things started to turn a little sour.
She started to kinda make fun of my ‘fantasy’ with some really unfunny jokes. Maybe she’s truly joking, but I really found it unpleasant — kinda like she thinks I’m unhealthily delusional or something, or obsessed with something I can’t even have. Maybe this is just me being overly sensitive, ’cause she’s a really nice person — or this is exactly why I was kinda startled with what she said (what she typed). I don’t know.
I even told her that for us single girls, sometimes all that we have is just these (‘teenage’) fantasies, which I personally find very normal — trust me, I know an ‘obsession’ when I see or feel one. And I even ‘jokingly’ said, “Please don’t take it away from me…” Turned out she took it as some sort of me trying to be funny with an overreacting joke or something. Well, maybe she didn’t know that I was getting annoyed by what she said, so I just ended the conversation with a ‘good night’ emoticon. She previously mentioned us should be getting into bed at this hour anyway.
For the convenience, let’s say my friend si A and my friend’s friend is B.
Obviously I didn’t know what B has said to A, and thus, I can’t say much on whether A was overreacted or not upon B’s words towards her. But since what we’re going to say was essentially about the “fangirl”, let’s just assume that B really said something unpleasant and insulting for A as a fangirl- and from what I read, seems that it was more about being a “fangirl” same with being a “delusional” one. Hmmmm… is it?
So, here’s the case. To make you sure that I am legit enough to write this post, let me state that I am a fangirl by myself. I was even sure, that I’m more hardcore comparing to A. Why? Well I know A. LOL. I’m a fans of a Korean Singing Group called TVXQ and JYJ- for almost 4 years already up to now. People might say I’m obsessed over them. I had almost every video I could find in the internet and I had like 950 songs of them (2003-now); some even which I cropped from the video and never be recorded. I followed every single dramas and movies (well at least I downloaded those) which they were starred in. I streamed every single concert LIVE (all hail to the other dedicated fans)- even when I was in the office. I had pictures of them (not much, but still…)
I bought their albums and their DVD concerts physically even though I had the digital copies of those. I joined a community of their fans. I read fanfics about them and I even wrote some of those as well. I smiled , I squealed, and I might even cry just by looking at the face of them, or even just reading on what they have said at the concert (all hail to the other dedicated fans- again who was being generous and spreading what they’ve done and said at the concert they’ve attended).
That’s me. My Ryns’s Side. The FANGIRL.
And so, am I delusional? Am I unhealthy that way? Delusional, no- probably. Unhealthy, who knows?
But who are you to say that someone is healthy enough- that someone who doesn’t fangirl over something is healthy? If you didn’t know and didn’t get the idea *yet* shut your mouth up and stop assuming is all I wanted to say (Yes, I’m harsh like that- sorry?). People did not know what a fangirl could possibly get from their so-called-obsession. Being a fangirl by myself, though you might say that means I wouldn’t be objective in this, I knew what I could possibly get by stating myself as a fangirl- and that wasn’t a bad thing. There were things I could learn from the fandom world- which other people might not get. Don’t believe in me? Well, do you ever heard the words “Always Keep The Faith” in your life? That was what one of the members (of TVXQ) said. And because the fans- the fangirls (in this case); love them so much, the words have became their main “base” ever since that time. That’s what they learnt from being a fangirl; to keep their faith over something they love, no matter what happened, no matter what people said, and no matter how it might hurt them. Because they have a belief- a strong believe that everything is going to be alright someday in the future; because they believe that’s what they should do for someone they love. (I’m not saying I’m like that, but that’s what I saw from the fangirls around me) So, do you have such a huge resolution like them? Is that unhealthy to have that huge of love and resolution? Well, I won’t say it as unhealthy.
For the delusional part? No. Not unless you couldn’t accept things related to them. What’s so wrong by saying your “dream” such as “It must be good to get married with someone as handsome as he is, looking at his smile everytime I wake up, getting touched by his slender fingers… and… then… OMG.”? Tell me, what’s so wrong? Well I’d tell you that there’s nothing wrong. It’s not like those were meant “I WILL marry him for sure! Just see. As soon as he saw me, we’ll get attached one with another.” and it’s not even like “I’m going to really KILL his girlfriend or wife! How dare she took her away from me? HUH?!”. Right? Can’t you see the difference? What’s so wrong to have an imagination? Was it hurting someone? Was it giving a harm to someone? As long as the fangirls can put a line between reality and fantasy, does it still matter?
Being a fangirl doesn’t mean delusional; as I’ve said. But even if some were delusional, why was that matter to you? I don’t mind anyone being delusional as long as they did nothing like forcing me to join their sides or something. I have delusional friends, anyway. And this is what I always said towards them :
“It’s alright to be delusional, as long as you don’t force your opinion to the others, and as long as you don’t hurt the others. Respect one with another; that’s the only key.“
So when you can’t answer those questions, stop looking at the fangirl as if they’re so disturbing. They just have their own world- like you have your own world too in different dimension. They just showed it off more than you do. Unless you’re jealous over their blunt statements, that didn’t have a fear to shout their world out of the world, you have no reason to “meh” on them. At least the fangirls are trying to respect one with another; despite the difference. And what you’ve done?
She’d been in a relationship for years, while for me and I know a lot of girls out there, we aren’t as lucky as her, yet, unfortunately. For those girls who’ve never hold hands before, I’m sure you’re imagining about what it feels like. For those who’ve never fallen in love, being in a relationship, or never been kissed, I think it’s extremely healthy to wonder and fantasize about those things. For us (or just for me, I don’t know, don’t want to generalize things) , fangirling is one way to ‘kinda fill’ the empty space, to make our days (and mood) a bit more colorful, maybe. It makes us laugh, giggle, sometimes (well, most of the time) grinning like a love-struck idiot, and most importantly, it makes us happy. I don’t think we should be ashamed. We’re not doing anything illegal anyway. We obviously know that our fantasies are not one bit realistic — hence the name; and I’m even 90% sure that there’s not a belieber out there who dreams of marrying Justin B — our brains are still working properly afterall and I intend to keep it that way.
So… so what if I’m a fangirl? So what if I’m a fujoshi? So what if I find a lot of anime guys very attractive? So what if I wish I’d dream about Lee Pace tonight? So what? Well, probably now I know that fangirling’s better be done with another fangirl that completely gets what we’re doing here (this is not the first time people look down on me for liking these things anyway, or sometimes how ‘painful’ it is to see a used-to-be-fangirl younger cousin of mine ‘graduated’ from this status — I AM happy for her though, I really do). Well, high five to other fangirls out there. I know deep inside, none of us wants to be alone, but for the time being, let’s enjoy one another’s company and these fantasies of ours. Cheers!
Well for this, I have to correct some things from A. For one, fangirling doesn’t actually related with “she had been in a relationship” (as in, “it should be at least legit for me- since I didn’t have any relationship and the others had.”). I had been in a relationship too, but that doesn’t prevent me to fangirl over those people. And even further, I had some of friends from the “fangirl-world” which have their own kids; 2 or 3 kids. There’re many married woman who still chose to fangirl over things- to the point some of them even said “OMG I get horny just by looking at his abs.”. So what? It’s not that they don’t think their husband and family isn’t enough for them. Some of them even invited the husbands to watch their concert together. Some of them even let their husbands knew that she wrote a fanfiction- a GAY fanfiction. And did the husband complain on that? Well, duh- of course no. Why should he? After all, he knew that it was JUST a fangirling and not something to be jealous of. There’s still a difference between “the ideal man to be drooled off” and “the husband who cares for me the most”. If he did complain, I guess he was childish, no? After all, as I’ve stated too at the previous section, as long as the fangirl can differentiate between reality and fantasy, why not?
And for another part which I should complain from A is this : “I’m even 90% sure that there’s not a belieber out there who dreams of marrying Justin B“. For one, I should warn you that this section might be contradicted with what I’ve said so far. Not that A was wrong or something- well, probably no one would know for real on how a “fangirl-world” works before went to deep in them. So… not her fault. Though, you can stay relax in your place because what I wanted to say here was, just like other humans, fangirls are different one with another. Some might do good things and some might do bad things. Some might not delusional and some might delusional “enough”. Some might try not to hurt anyone and some might care less whether the others are hurting or not. You got it right? So, yes. I’m 100% sure that there’re some of the beliebers do really think and believe there’s no single woman will be matched for their Justin B. Because I’ve seen enough. Seen enough people who were as easy as 1-2-3 to spam the hate towards the girlfriend (or even wife) of their idols. Because of what? Because, sometimes they think the girl wasn’t the best for him. Or sometimes, they just can’t see the idols really belong with someone- which was obviously not her.
Don’t believe in me? Easy. Check your twitter or facebook. Search this hashtag which was still recent enough : #RIPKimSaEun (please just search and not spread it even more). Kim Saeun is Sungmin (of Super Junior)’s WIFE. See what fangirls might have done. Sometimes, even the women confessed openly at the talk show or something that they got bashed by the fans because doing some skinships with their idols (and you think what their job is? LOL). They refused to think that the idols have their own life and the idols obviously knew better how their girlfriends or wives are. Not only that, those kind of fangirls also sometimes never cared of other fans’s opinion. If there’s a fans said they shouldn’t do something like that (which means had a different view on the matters), the fangirls wouldn’t hesitate to bash the other fans as well. Saying that “you’re not a true fans” isn’t that hard for those people. They took things way too fast sometimes; without proofs, without any basic knowledge, and just- “BASH THEM! THEY HURT OUR IDOLS! WE DEMAND HIM TO APOLOGIZE!” like that.
Well, if the person is a fangirl in the way I’ve mentioned at the last section, I have to admit that they’re unhealthy and they’re disturbing in many ways; for the idols, the other fans, and everyone. But as long as they’re not disturbing, there’s no reason to insult them, don’t you agree? So, stop generalizing the fangirls and respect them with their own world. Because that’s all what they need; just like you.
Love, Ryns. 2015.03.12